While I do not think of myself as particularly smart, I was one of the lucky kids that had a reasonably easy time in school. For many subjects, especially science, math, and history I do not recall having to spend enormous amounts of time studying. There were a few subjects I struggled with a bit (particularly spelling) but I could usually brute force a bit, cram and be done with it. However there was a point where I hit somewhat of a wall and suddenly, many subjects became more challenging but I did not have the study skills to deal with it.

Instead of going directly to the university I wanted to go to, I had to go to a local community college for a year, and then transfer to the university. Once I enrolled at university, my first semester was rough, and I ended up having to repeat a course the next term. As a kid, I was used to seeing As most of the time, and a couple of Bs, but now, I was seeing the whole range of letters. Even though I graduated university, studying was not something that came easy to me. It was not until I picked up Japanese later, that I was able to develop more intentional study skills, though I have never been the highest achiever in any of my classes.

Similar to learning how to study, I think in many ways, I have not always had a great model on how to deal with emotions, and now as an adult, I often find myself “learning how to emotion” properly. Growing up, there were some emotions that were fine, but also a range that were avoided, because it was better to put on a strong appearance. It has taken quite a while, but I am slowly learning to recognize and better process emotions that I have long avoided.

I quite enjoy the movie Inside Out , and the visual way they show the emotions driving them. For me, there’s a lot of times where Anger is the one driving, and it has been one of my focuses during counseling to better understand where anger comes from, and how to process it. It has taken me time to learn how to study as an adult, and I expect it will take me time to learn how to emotion as an adult, but I am thankful I have slowly developed a greater awareness around them (even if it is a bit late).